he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I currently don't understand fingers.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
