idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
