Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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