Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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