Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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