You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
