Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just want to make out with him forever
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
