I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
