mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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