i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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