i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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