Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
