as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
