is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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