I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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