You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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