Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
