who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
