This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
