Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize