Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
