just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
