i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
