this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize