ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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