We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
