I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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