I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
