I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
