You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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