just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
