home. puking in laundry basket.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
