Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
