Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
