I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
