True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
