oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
