I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
