I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
