Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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