you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
