Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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