A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
