now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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