please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
