My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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