There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
