if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
