I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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