I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dear god my vagina.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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