C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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