Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
