I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
