Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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