so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
