If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize