i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
