it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
