I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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